Good morning! It’s 11am on the 30th of May and today is my Mum’s (Grandma P’s) birthday. It’s not something I would usually write about, but it’s a special birthday. She has told me not to ‘write anything on Facebook about my age’ and I won’t. However, if you can guess my age then you can probably guess hers. Please see my craftily added emoticon at the end of this post.
It’s now 9pm and remember when I said that Grandma P was due to arrive in ‘an hour’? She should have arrived at 12.30pm in order to have a drink and leisurely open her presents. At 12.25pm I was still rocking the purple dressing gown and was downstairs ironing the clothes I was going to wear. I had managed to straighten my hair and do my make up, but I was also sporting a Peppa Pig hair clip in my fringe as I am currently starting to resemble to Dulux Dog. At 12.40, we were all ready. At 12.50 we were still all ready, sitting together on the sofa just waiting. At 12.55, we got a ‘just setting off’ text. At 1pm, the boy started to kick off. At 1.10, I cracked open the bottle of champagne and by 1.15 I was feeding again. Finally, at 1.30 Grandma P decided to show up. I greeted her with a pile of dried washing in my hands (I knew that my doing a job would inevitably summon her arrival), shoved a discoloured Kir Royale in her hand and led her to the living room where we ripped open her presents, got a tad emotional for about thirty seconds and inhaled our rust coloured Kir Royales. The creme de cassis was definitely pink when I bought it pre pregnancy number two. Who knew it ‘could go off’? We drank it anyway though; we’re made of strong stuff…
We ordered our desserts and I went to go and change the boy’s nappy in the toilets (poshly named the ‘powder room’. Unsurprisingly, there was no changing station so I plonked him on a posh stool, thanked the Lord that there was indeed no stool in his nappy and did a lightning quick change. He screamed the place down so I caved and went to feed him in a toilet cubicle.
After about fifteen minutes, I made it back to the dinner table only to find that everyone had eaten their dessert and mine had been returned to the kitchen to keep warm after the other half told the waitress that I had been on the toilet for the last twenty minutes. Thanks love.
With our faced well and truely stuffed, we returned to our house for a bit of tea and cake. The boy had mellowed so the girl decided that it was her turn to shine. She was placed on the naughty step twice for stealing a ball from the boy because it was hers. She hasn’t so much as looked at the ball once in two years, but now it was all she wanted in the world. Finally, at 6pm we all decided to call it at day. Grandma and Grandad said their goodbyes. Within minutes, we noticed that Grandad had left his phone so we called Grandma to to let him know. Then Grandma P said her goodbyes and once again, within minutes, we noticed that she too had left her phone but we were unable to contact her to let her know. Ten minutes later, Grandad returned to pick up his phone and said his goodbyes again. Ten minutes after that Grandma P returned to pick up her phone and said her goodbyes again (she had made it half way home before realising and turned back). A rushed bathtime and bedtime hour passed smoothly and for once we successfully divided and conquered the kids and got them to sleep with no meltdowns. That brings us nicely back to now. It’s 9.54pm. I have had my cuppa and another bit of Grandma P’s home made birthday cake and am pondering on what I can take away from today. I have learnt then to: always expect a grandparent to leave something at your house, don’t move an inch with a sleeping baby on your lap as he will wake before the lamb touches your lips and don’t ever leave it to your other half to explain the (entirely fabricated) reason as to why your sticky toffee pudding needs to be returned to the kitchen to keep warm.